On Life and Living

I can now talk about the fact that my husband was in a ridiculously awful car accident on Sunday without my lower lip trembling. This is obviously because he walked away 100% a-okay, except for a few small scratches on his shoulder and bruises on his back. But let me tell you, I have worse war wounds than that I got after walking into the dresser of my hotel room in the middle of the night when I was in South Dakota. (I was very tired.)

But I am still working through the five stages of grief as defined by the insightful, but completely crazy Dr. Kubler-Ros in her book "On Death and Dying."

Observe.

Stage 1: Denial
While at the hospital to get Matt checked out, I kept saying "Maybe when we go home this won't have really happened." False. I saw our totaled truck in the middle of Highway 21. I found my empty tupperware covered in dirt and missing all macaroons in the shoulder.

Yesterday, when I came home from work, I didn't see the truck in the driveway so I assumed Matt wasn't home. False. Matt is on some major muscle relaxers and is not going much farther than the sofa.

Stage 2: Anger
Last night I woke up about 3 a.m. both furious and exhausted. If I weren't determined to go back to sleep, I may have gone further than proclaiming to Matt that he is " a bull in a china shop." I do remember ticking off on my fingers how I am careful and deliberate when I do things, like driving or buying car insurance, for example, but I can't promise that I was also conscious.

Stage 3: Bargaining
I think this involves the part of my day where Matt said "I am going to go to the Ford place and look at trucks." And I said "Okay, that sounds fine, but pick me up for lunch."

Stage 4: Depression
This is where I am now. I have been mulling over car payments and costs and realizing that the new car we were shopping for, for me, only a week ago is kind of a pipe dream right now. However, I did finally decide that--dadgummit--I was going to treat myself to a replacement rear wiper arm which I have been hemming and hawing about for over a year. I guess that means I am a tiny step closer to...

Stage 5: Acceptance
I'll let you know when I am driving my shiny new car around how this stage is. Oh crud, I'm back in denial!

Oh well. Matt is getting an outstanding 2006 F-150 with all manner of ammenities. And I got a new rear wiper arm! Dreams do come true.